While we can appreciate a clever pick-up line that’s funny and creative, there’s nothing more awkward than having to endure cringe-worthy flirting attempts from guys who feel entitled to our attention. When they come with lines like “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘I’ next to ‘U,'” it’s easier to see why most of them are still single. And you know what’s sadder? A lot of men have yet to take the hint because they still rely on those cheap pick-up lines. Unfortunately, the same applies to most TV characters whenever they try to connect with someone romantically.
Don’t get us wrong, those corny lines definitely make for good comedy! But at the same time, you can’t deny that this is a classic example of art imitating life (and vice versa). See some of the cheesiest pick-up lines we’ve ever heard on TV shows.
17. “So, you looking for a stud? I already got the ‘S.T.D.’ All I need is ‘U.'” (from Baby Daddy)
Whoaaa… “I already got the STD?” Afer hearing a line like this, we would definitely run in the opposite direction. In the episode “An Officer and a Gentle Ben,” Ben was trying to be all clever while flirting with a random girl at the bar. But that quickly backfired when he realized he technically told her that he has a “sexually transmitted disease.” As you’ve probably already guessed, his little “STD” joke didn’t go over so well.
16. “I am super attracted to you. You are handsome and rugged, like a lumberjack in a porno.” (from The Mindy Project)
To be fair, Mindy was doing okay at the start, but she really, really should’ve stopped at “rugged.” Adding that Jody reminded her of a lumberjack in a porno painted the weirdest picture and it made poor Jody look so uncomfortable. Still, it was pretty hilarious, and we all know that it’s in Mindy’s nature to be filter-free and unapologetic. But when it comes to flirting, it’s probably best to avoid letting all your thoughts fly without giving them a second thought.
15. “Wanna see my Hard Drive? I promise it’s not small or floppy.” (from Big Bang Theory)
How awesome would it feel to have the kind of confidence Howard had when he actually said this line out loud to another human? We feel so sorry for the girls who had to listen to his super corny lines. And the saddest part? It’s just one of roughly a million, which means he could probably create a dictionary of them. To be honest, we still can’t believe he managed to land Bernadette.
14. “I wish I was your differential equation homework because then I’d be really hard and you’d be doing me on your desk.” (from Big Bang Theory)
Seriously though, how does Howard come up with these?? Does he think of them on the fly, or does he stay up at nights, brainstorming a ton of nerdy sexual innuendos that could possibly get him punched in the face? His pickup lines are beyond ridiculous and Bernadette deserves an award for putting up with all the cheesiness. We wouldn’t have the patience!
13. “I’m a squirrel, you’re my nut. Winter’s coming. I’m gonna store you away in my cheek, girl.” (from New Girl)
Schmidt tried to woo CeCe with this line while they attended an Indian wedding in season two. And it was rather… uhh, creative. They looked so adorable together (as always), but suggesting that you can fit someone into your mouth? That counts as creepy in our book. Only Schmidt could deliver such a line with the most confident smile and still manage to win CeCe over eventually.
12. “You look so good, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y’all.” (from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
Will ought to be crowned the king of corny pick-up lines, because he simply could never hold his tongue when he came across an attractive girl. One of the most memorable examples was from season three, where he appeared in court and tried to impress a girl there. On top of suggesting that he’d like to grow more of her like a garden vegetable, he also tried to compliment her suit. He said: “Girl, I got to tell you. That suit look like a piece of ‘good God’ wrapped in some ‘have mercy’ with a side of ‘mmm’!” …As if that first part wasn’t already over-the-top.
11. “You got more moves than a bowl of Jello and there’s always room for Jello.” (from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
In the episode “That’s No Lady, That’s My Cousin,” Ashley attracts the attention of a cute guy named Kenny when she starts her first day at Will and Carlton’s school. But Will’s worst nightmare comes true when he notices Kenny using his exact same lines and tactics on his baby cousin. One of his most ridiculous lines was the one where he compared Ashley’s movements to jello (how in the world is that appealing??). And unfortunately, Ashley ate it right up.
10. “You look so good, I’d marry your brother just to get in your family.” (from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
Last one, we promise, but WTH?! It may sound funny to us but the level of thirst here is just scary. In “Ain’t No Business Like Show Business,” Will said this to an attractive female classmate and she didn’t look too impressed. But a pick-up line like this should definitely raise a ton of red flags. We’d take this as our warning to run. And fast.
9. “Hey, boo. Are you aging in reverse? ‘Cause you look barely legal.” (from Parks and Recreation)
Is it just us, or does it seem really weird to have someone tell you that you look more like a teenager when they’re trying to get in your pants? Sure, Tom Haverford isn’t exactly known for being a great pick-up artist in general, but WOW. In real life, if a guy actually says this, it just might mean that he’s into chicks who look underage, which is just creepy AF. That “barely legal” part basically ruined the entire compliment.
8. “Let’s make a pact, OK? If we’re both still single in an hour, let’s get married.” (from Parks and Recreation)
Okay, it’s kind of funny. Thankfully, Tom didn’t use this phrase on a stranger. But even so, this is probably one of the weirdest pick-up lines we’ve ever heard. In one episode, Tom told this to Joan, even despite the fact that she already had a husband. Plus, she had to remind him of this, which made the whole thing way more awkward. Initiating a marriage pact out of nowhere is a sure sign that someone is way too desperate or just nuts – especially a marriage pact for the immediate future.
7. “I’m a real good sex person. I do it all the different ways.” (from 30 Rock)
Ha! This actually sounds like something an awkward guy would say while auditioning to be a porn star. But on the show, Kenneth said this to Tracy’s then-estranged wife, Angie, because he wanted to get Tracy to feel jealous. Surprisingly, Angie was impressed enough to give Ken a chance, so she replied: “Well, I don’t have a husband anymore, so you can come over anytime.” Like… Seriously? Was that all it took??
6. “Excuse me, you dropped something… My Jaw.” (from Family Guy)
Well, this is what happens when you take flirting pointers from someone who’s the literal definition of a pervert. Chris actually went to Quagmire, of all people, when he needed tips for approaching girls. And when he finally tried out this line on a girl while driving around, she was understandably pissed. Talk about annoying.
5. “You must be a Parking ticket cause you got Fine written all over you” (from Family Guy)
This one gave us a good laugh! In “Emission Impossible,” Quagmire invited a ton of guests over for a party while he was supposed to be babysitting. And since he can’t go a minute without hitting on women, he stopped by a number them like clockwork and tried out his pick-up lines. Right after he used the corny parking ticket one, he actually went between two girls and said: “I don’t wanna come between you… Or do I?” …Gross.
4. “How YOU doin’?” (from Friends)
Joey’s classic “pick-up line” was literally a three-word greeting, which means he had the flirting skills of a rock. All it took was that phrase and one flirtatious look to make a girl go weak in the knees, he claimed. But in one episode, he finally used it and it didn’t work. When he tried it out on one woman, she literally just shrugged and said that she was “okay.” She was completely unfazed by Joey’s charm and so he panicked because of course, it’s super weird to give a normal response to a question like “how you doin?”
3. “Whoops! I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong!” (from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)
In “The DENNIS System,” this line was Frank’s weak attempt at seducing Caylee. He pretended to be a doctor and he made a big show of dropping a condom for his “magnum dong.” And to make matters worse, he showed it to her and looked at her expectantly, as if that whole performance had earned him her interest and affection. Isn’t it weird, what certain guys will do for attention?
2. “Your silhouette should be on a mud flap” (from Psych)
We’re not gonna lie – Gus is usually pretty smooth with the ladies. But even the smoothest talkers can come up with odd pick-up lines. In fact, when Gus said this to Nicole in “The Tao of Gus,” Shawn replied that it was the weirdest flirting he’d ever heard. We’d say the same, because this line is giving us serious stalker-ish vibes.
1. “I like the shape of your ears.” (from Orange is the New Black)
It’s so innocent and random and… weird. George Mendez (aka Pornstache), approached Daya to awkwardly whisper about how much he loves her ear shape. We totally get that he was being genuine because he truly liked her, but flirting just wasn’t his strong suit. This is by far one of the most awkward ways to try and flirt with someone. Plus, if you’re a Correctional Officer at a women’s prison, you definitely shouldn’t be hitting on the inmates.