Let’s be real, most of the time, people don’t know how to hit on someone. Many think they do but then end up getting denied while claiming that other person was just stuck up or bitchy or thought they were “too good” for them.
Does this sound like you? If it does, you probably just don’t know how to hit on someone in a way that isn’t just like romantic comedies, because if we’re being honest here, those movies have it all wrong. They’re fiction. They make for a good story but don’t actually depict what hitting on someone in the real world is really like.
It’s not as simple as walking up and dropping an overused pickup line like, “Did it hurt… when you fell from heaven?” You need to make an effort, but not in a way that absolutely reeks of desperation. If you really want to hit on someone and up your chances of them actually being interested in getting to know you, perhaps even dating you, use these tips.
1. Introduce Yourself with a Handshake
Literally, that’s all. You don’t have to go out of your way to do something ridiculous or think of a really
unique overused line the other person has heard a hundred times already in order to hit on someone. Just introduce yourself. Talking to the other person in a normal way will be the most relatable and it’ll put them at ease. They won’t feel like they’re being hunted/some prize to be won and they won’t be uncomfortable.
2. Compliment Anything Besides Their Physical Appearance
As much as we all love to hear we look good, it means a hell of a lot more when you compliment something that we actually have control over. Someone who has really cool eyes didn’t choose them. They were born that way. Telling someone they have awesome shoes or great taste in clothes will mean a lot more to them because they chose it themselves and therefore, it’ll increase your odds of them actually talking to you.
3. Talk about Something They’d be Interested in
Walking up to someone and rambling nonsense that has no meaning to them doesn’t really do you any favors. In order to hit on someone and actually make it work, you’ll want to talk about something they already like. Perhaps they’re wearing a t-shirt with a certain band on it or were just talking about a movie with someone else. If you walk up and mention something you already know they’re interested in, they’ll likely be more interesting in talking to you. So be patient and try to pick up a few things you can use for interesting conversation before you approach.
4. Give Them Room to Leave
The worst way to hit on someone is to back them into a corner. You’re not giving them a choice. They may act polite and like they want to talk to you, but really, they just can’t escape. Approach someone where there’s plenty of room for them to get away if they want. It’ll make them feel safer and less like you’re a predator cornering their prey. It also makes people far more comfortable when they know they have an escape.
Scientifically, smiling puts people at ease. It’s a human trait that means the same thing throughout all cultures because we’ve evolved to feel better and trust those who smile at us. So when you’re trying to hit on someone, don’t try to play hard to get by being broody or mysterious. Don’t play hard to get, period. They’ll just think you’re not really interested. Plus, people who smile look like they’re having way more fun. People like to be involved with having fun so that’ll help them want to talk to you.
6. Close the Space Between You Two but DON’T Touch Them
Some people won’t know you’re trying to hit on them if you’re not being flirty and intimate in some way. This is especially true if they’ve just seen you chatting up a bunch of people. Close the space between the two of you without touching them. It’ll increase intimacy and show them you’ve only got eyes for them. Make your interest clear so there’s no confusion.
But, do not touch them. That’s too much.
7. Approach People Who Have Already Looked Over at You
In order to hit on someone and ensure they actually want you to be hitting on them, approach someone who’s been eyeing you up. People don’t just look over at you for no reason. If they’re catching your eye time and time again, they want you to talk to them. Choosing someone who hasn’t even looked in your direction won’t do you any good.
8. Ask Them What the Occasion for Being Out is
This might seem like a very stereotypical question but it does work. Approaching someone, introducing yourself and then asking what they’re out for will probably lead to more conversation and help you decide how to proceed. If they’re out because their friend just got dumped, you’re probably not going to get very far. But being out for a celebration is a great way for you to compliment them and get them chatting about something they’re in a good mood about. When people are happy about something, they’ll be excited to tell someone about it. It also opens the doors for you to learn more about them, too.
9. Look Good
Unfortunately, we all definitely judge a book by its cover. Despite what we’ve been told growing up, what someone looks like holds a lot of weight over our opinion of them. If you try to hit on someone when you look unkempt, unwashed and in less than flattering clothes, it won’t go well for you. Get yourself cleaned up and dressed in something you feel confident in and it’ll help immensely.
10. Try Talking to Them Like a Friend
Instead of approaching someone with the purpose of taking them home or going on a date with them, just talk to them like you’re already friends. Putting the end result out of your mind will help you relax and it’ll make the other person feel like you actually want to get to know them, which won’t scare them away the way a suggestive pickup line would.
11. Don’t Play Hard to Get
If you’re the one trying to hit on someone and you also play hard to get, you’ll look like a fool. It’s not in good taste to say hello, introduce yourself and then ignore them. It’ll confuse the other person and also make you look rude. If you’re going to give someone your attention, then give them your damn attention.
12. Make a Tasteful Joke
By that, I mean avoid dirty jokes. Yes, you might have a naughty sense of humor but the other person might not. If you make a raunchy joke, they’ll also just assume you want to get in bed with them and that won’t help you. However, jokes are still a great idea — if they’re actually funny. Making someone laugh will always improve your odds of getting them to talk to you for longer than a second.
13. Ask if They’d Like a Drink
There are a lot of people who just buy someone a drink and walk it over in order to hit on them. This might seem like a good idea in theory but it’s actually kind of inconsiderate. You don’t know what they’re drinking. They could hate whatever you get them and refuse it. Instead, introduce yourself and ask if they’d like a drink. This gives them the freedom to say yes or no and also get something they prefer. When they can actually enjoy a drink you get them, it’ll increase your odds of getting them to chat for a while. If you’re a woman who buys a dude a drink, it’ll definitely make you stand out.
14. Involve the Other People They’re With
If you’re going to approach someone who’s with a group, don’t ignore everyone else. Yes, you want to make sure they know you’re there for them but when you include everyone and get someone else talking to you, you’ll be able to stay around longer. It also shows the person that you’re looking to chat and get to know people who are important to them, which will earn you bonus points.
15. Find a Way to Connect
Making a connection with someone is a great way to get them to talk to you. When you show them right away that you have something in common, they’ll put you in their mind as someone worth their time. You can even mention the fact that you see them at that establishment often and are wondering if they have any other great recommendations since they seem to have the same taste in eateries and bars as you. Maybe say it a little more casually, but it’ll flatter them that you want their opinion and if you both like the same one thing, it may indicate that you also have other interests in common!
16. Don’t Hit on Them
This might seem contradictory but hear me out. If you go into a place and approach someone with the mindset that you’re going to hit on them, it’ll probably make you do something stupid. Instead, just talk to them like any other person. Don’t lay on any moves at all. This will work better for you than almost anything else because you’re appealing to them as a real human and you’re not making your intentions seem naughty or stereotypical.
Knowing how to hit on someone in a way that’ll actually make them want to talk to you can be hard. These tips show someone you’re interested without crossing a line, which will make them feel a lot more comfortable with you.