Back in the day, moving in with your significant other was a way bigger deal than it is today. You never used to even live with them until after you were married. In fact, it was considered taboo to have sleepovers before you were engaged.
Obviously, times have changed. More and more couples are living together and testing the waters before committing to a lifetime with the same person. And honestly, that’s probably the best idea for people everywhere. Slowing down and taking the time to get to know someone while living together will give you a glimpse into the future.
How could you marry someone when you don’t know if you could even live with them? That being said, you can’t just decide to live with someone without taking it seriously. You shouldn’t just want to move in because your roommate is a nightmare and you need to live elsewhere. After all, if you move in with a person, it should mean you can see a real future with them. You can’t just live together because your lease is up. If that makes you nervous, it effing should! But no worries, we’ve got you covered, babe. Here’s everything you should ask yourself, and answer, before moving in with bae.
1. Why are you moving in together?
This may be an obvious question but you probably don’t have the right answer. Honestly, why are you considering living with this person? Do you want to take the next step toward your future or are you just sick of paying for a full apartment when you’re always at their place?
If it’s for the latter reason, it’s a bad, bad idea. I get that it’s way cheaper to split rent but you should be moving in together for relationship reasons, not financial ones.
2. Are you ready?
Really think about this. Are you ready to start building a life with someone else? That’s what you’re signing up for when you move in together. Your lives are now dependent on one another. You are a team when you both live in the same place. Are you ready for that kind of commitment and to that person? If you answered this with a confident yes, go for it, babe.
3. Are they ready?
This won’t be very easy for you to answer but you’ll need to figure it out somehow. Do they seem like they’re ready to be living a life with someone else instead of just having you in their life? This can be determined just by their actions.
Do they go to you for advice and take your thoughts and opinions into consideration? Do they turn to you for big decisions and want your input? If so, it’s a great sign and it sounds like they’re ready for a bigger commitment. Basically, they already view you as their teammate and living together will seem natural.
4. How long have you been together?
This is relevant for so many reasons. If it’s only been a few months and you two have decided you’re “so in love” that you need to live together, slow the effdown. You’re still in the honeymoon phase and believe me, it will end soon. After the initial lovey-dovey feels wear off, you’re left with the real stuff. And even then, you’ll want to be with them long enough to know their personality, morals, values and who they truly are deep down, which can take some time.
5. What has the quality of your relationship been like?
Take a step back and look at your relationship as a whole. Do they treat you right or are you actually in an unhealthy relationship? Moving in together will not fix your problems, as some people think. It’ll just make them worse and you’ll end up in a downward spiral of misery. You should only move in with someone if your relation is solid, healthy and you’re actually happy.
6. Do you both have great communication?
I’m probably not the first to tell you that communication is a ridiculously important part of a relationship. If you can’t talk to your lover, how can you get through those difficult times? Because there will be hard times, especially if you end up moving in together. If your communication is lacking now, it’ll only get worse. Strengthen it before you even consider living with your partner.
7. Whose place will you move into?
If you’ve already been talking about living together, you should probably figure out where you’ll be living. Most people are pretty attached to their homes. Have you decided whose place you’d end up in? If not, that’s kind of a major thing you need to consider before shacking up with bae.
8. Whose furniture do you use?
Again, people love their own stuff. Your couch is probably your pride and joy and has developed just the right level of squishiness for your butt. It’ll be hella hard to let go of if you move in with your partner and they don’t want it. It also means you’ll have to figure out how to get rid of all the furniture you don’t use. Are you willing to let go of some of your belongings in order to live with your significant other?
9. Is there enough room for each of you to have your own space?
You can’t live in a tiny, tiny apartment and expect to be happy together. That’s a very hard thing to do because everyone needs their alone time. So you need to look at the apartment and living situation as a whole. If you know you’ll feel smothered, you may want to hold off on moving in until you can both find a bigger place.
10. Are you understanding of each other’s boundaries?
Everyone is different and that means we all have our little quirks. You need to know your partner’s little habits inside and out before you can decide if you want to live with them. Why? Because you’ll be living with them every single day.
Are you aware of their boundaries? For example, do you know how much alone time they need to maintain sanity? Do they know what you need to maintain a functioning level of happiness? If not, you may need to spend more time getting to know each other before moving in together.
11. Do you have compatible lifestyles?
Two people can easily work in a relationship if they don’t have compatible lifestyles until moving in together comes into play. Your partner may love having friends over and that’s never bothered you before because you were able to escape to the safety of your own place when it got to be too much. You can’t do that if you move in together.
You need to have lifestyles that can work together if you really want to move in with them. Otherwise you’ll end up clashing and arguing over stuff that just can’t change. Sure, you can compromise but it’s better to have a strong level compatibility from the start.
12. Do both have the same idea of “clean”?
This is another huge thing you need to determine before you move in with one another. What’s your standard for clean and what does your partner consider cleanliness to look like? These are often times very different and you might not even realize it. Your S.O. could be the dirtiest person ever but they just clean up before you come over. Being on the same level and knowing one another’s standards is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship when you live together.
13. Are you ready for your relationship to potentially change?
This is just the reality of moving in with your partner. Your relationship will change in some way. It could be for the better but it could also be for the worse. You learn a lot about someone when you actually live in the same space and that could affect the quality of your relationship. Are you ready for a change or do you want to keep it just as it is?
14. Are you ready to be pooling your finances with this person?
You should always be aware of someone’s financial situation if you’re about to live together. You’re equally responsible for the expenses of your home and that means you’ll need to be putting your money with theirs sometimes. Are you ready for that? It can be a really difficult thing to do if you’re used to being very independent so get ready for some change if you plan on moving in together.
15. Are you completely comfortable with this person?
I don’t mean just like ~comfortable being yourself~ I mean truly, genuinely comfortable with this person seeing/hearing/smelling you in every state of your life… and vice-versa. Really think about it. Do you still feel awkward pooping at their place? If you do then you might not be ready to move in together just yet, because that’s just the beginning of it.
16. Have you discussed what you want in the future?
If you’re debating moving in together, this should’ve been covered a long time ago. You need to know what your S.O. sees for their future to determine whether or not it fits with yours. Do they want to move out of state in a couple years or are they comfortable staying where they are? Once you live with someone, your future is tied into theirs. You need to discuss what you each want in the future so you can see if it’ll work together.
17. Will you be able to maintain the romance?
Romance definitely takes a dip when you live with another person. You see all of them. And that means you’re faced with the good, the bad and definitely the ugly. However, you still need to keep the romance alive, anyways. Which means you’ll have to decide if you’ll be able to be romantic and loving toward your significant other even if you seem them all day every day. Can you do that?
18. Do you feel any hesitation at all?
If your gut is feeling hesitant, then there’s something wrong. Nervousness and excitement are normal but if you’re doubting your decision, you need to take a step back and do some reevaluating. Go over these questions again and make sure you can answer each one with confidence before taking the plunge and moving in with your S.O.