Why Matt Damon Is The Perfect A-List Actor

Happy birthday to Matt Damon, who turns forty-three years old today! Now I don’t know if you’ve noticed, because this dude is so good at keeping his head down and going about his business, but Matt Damon is literally the perfect A-List actor.

In a stormy world full of Shia LaBeoufs and Lindsay Lohans (not to mention all these other actors who are apparently the complete worst to work with on-set), a beam of sunlight broke through the clouds and deposited a diaper-clad little Matt Damon baby in our midst. And then he…grew up and stuff and did some movies and now here we are in 2013 and he’s the poster child for A-List perfection. Let’s break this down.


Matt went to Harvard University, which is only like, the most impressive school in the world or whatever. He was there from 1988 – 1992 during which time he split focus between acting roles and his schoolwork. And even though he eventually dropped out to move to Los Angeles and pursue an acting career, he has since described that as a mistake. Hey, anyone who can vocalize and take responsibility for their regrets is okay with me.


Most actors only excel in one area…namely acting, but Matt actually co-wrote the movie that really made a name for himself. I’m referring, of course, to Good Will Hunting, which Matt wrote with his childhood best friend Ben Affleck and which was nominated for NINE ACADEMY AWARDS. Yeah that’s right, the first screenplay that Matt ever sold made $225 million with a budget of $10 million. No big deal.

And from there, Matt has gone on to make more than fifty movies, including two franchises that he’s had a huge role in making successful — the Oceans series and the Bourneseries.


As I mentioned, Good Will Hunting was nominated for nine Oscars, including Best Picture, Best Actor (Matt Damon), and Best Original Screenplay, which it won. Meaning that Matt was an Oscar winner for his writing by age thirty. Again, no big deal.

He also has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, has been nominated for four Screen Actor’s Guild awards, five Golden Globes, three Academy Awards, seven MTV Movie Awards, and three Emmy Awards.

So he’s pretty legit.


Matt previously dated some stars in the industry like Winona Ryder and Minnie Driver, but he ended up settling down with Luciana Barroso, a woman he met in 2003 while she was bartending. Honestly, the most genius move ever — marrying a normal. They may not get a fun couple name like Brangelina or Tomkat or Bennifer, but they also don’t get all that insane media attention. Being married to Luciana allows Matt to stay out of the spotlight with someone who makes him really happy and just go about his life in the least-dramatic way possible. The two of them have been married since 2005, and they’re completely adorable.


Plus, they have three kids! And the best part is, that you don’t know their names, because they stay under the radar! Whereas other celebrities complain about the spotlight and then post pictures of their kids to social media or drag them in front of the cameras on their way to school (cough cough Katie Holmes cough cough), Matt and Luciana give their three daughters — Isabella, Stella, and Gia — a pretty normal life, in which they already know how to troll the paparazzi. No exploitation here, friendlies.


None known. I’ve never even heard another actor complain about Matt Damon, and that’s saying a lot in this business. He’s never been accused of cheating, been to rehab, gotten a DUI, and even when people tried to accuse him of being gay, he didn’t even bother denying it because he didn’t want to offend his gay friends. Probably the closest thing to even a taint of scandal was when I used the word ‘taint’ in this sentence just now.

As famous as he is, Matt seems to be just a genuinely good, solid guy who wants a normal life for himself. I waited on him at the restaurant I used to work at once, and he was super nice, not a diva at all. Which is insane cause he’s like…real famous and attractive and stuff.


But even with all that going for him, Matt has remained remarkably down-to-earth. He has a real sense of humor about himself, which is obvious when you look at everything he’s ever done for Jimmy Kimmel‘s show. I mean, have you seen the video for ‘I’m Fucking Matt Damon’? Can you imagine another A-Lister doing something like that? And no, Ben Affleck doesn’t count.

So there you have it, guys. He’s the best ever — a shimmering, gleaming example for poorly-behaved celebrities everywhere. Happy birthday, Matt! Keep doing the good lord’s work!

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